« Home | Graduation » | An Unstoppable Force Meets An Immovable Object » | Random Ish » | Stronger » | Jackin' Pop Swagger » | Bittersweet » | Big Things Poppin' in Springfield...um, Bladensbur... » | One Shot, One Kill » | Lately, I'm Finding Natasha Nice & Bree Oslon More... » | The Pursuit of Nappyness » 

Saturday, September 29, 2007 

My Dixie Wrecked

As a guy, it’s a difficult thing to explain. But one thing that every excuse in the history of premature ejaculation excuses has in common is that it’s never our fault. It’s a humiliating and confidence-depleting experience; one that, after going through it, we wouldn‘t dare wish on anyone, not even our worst enemy. Which is exactly why we can’t help but laugh when it happens to someone else. Especially, a so-called “professional.”

One of the first girls I ever saw make a guy just come (or cum, depending on just how vulgar you want this to get) completely unraveled was Shyla Stylez. It was early on in her career and she wasn’t nearly the voluptuous blonde glamazon she is today. As flat-chested and skinny as she was back then, her sexuality was that rare pure and raw kind that made it difficult to even be in the same room with her, much less be tasked to actually fuck her. I recall watching her locked in a DP with two guys and one of the men, try as he might, just could not get it together. He’d dip in for a few strokes and almost always had to immediately had to pull out. Then he suddenly decided to get brave and go against that strategy. He should’ve known better. It ended badly.

As Morpheus told Neo in the original Matrix, “Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.”

One of the latest times I’ve seen this phenomenon was, once again, with Shyla Stylez (hence this new stat being named after her) in A-List 2 with Sascha. So it goes that The Shyla Stylez Index is named after a girl who has solidified her place amongst the greats by making Manuel Ferrara pop twice in Evilution 2 and is a measurement of the likelihood of a particular porn star to make either the viewer (or in some cases, their onscreen partner) orgasm prematurely. While not necessarily a good thing, it’s always a funny thing to witness and in a unique sort of way, an accomplishment of sorts for the female talent. Should such a statistic become widely used or accepted, I know I’d be a proud little starlet if I ranked high on this list. In a profession where the opportunities for bragging rights for individual performers are few and far between, I’d take what I could get.

So here’s the meat (yes, I realize I am not at a loss for bad word choices today) : I’d wager the average length of a sex scene nowadays is about twenty minutes. If the average scene is about 20 minutes and you (or the guy in the scene) “lasts” the entire time, that’s an SS index of 100 (which with this sort of stat is a negative; the objective is to make the guy climax quickly, the faster, the better, in fact). However, if the viewer doesn’t make it and ends up looking for Kleenex about five minutes in, that’s an SS index of 25. Ten minutes would d be 50, fifteen minutes would be 75 and so on. So the lower the number, the better.

Let's do Gianna:
5.5 (the average time in minutes the viewer might “last”) divided by 20 (the length of an average sex scene) = 27.5 (Shyla Stylez Index)

To what end would a consumer/viewer use these numbers? To choose which stars’ scenes to watch and to rank their favorite stars’ skill level. It would also serve as an indicator and somewhat accurate predictor when determining a particular “pairing” and it’s possible excitement level. For example: If Rebeca Linares (SSI: 32.3) and Bree Olson (SSI: 28.2) are in a scene together, chances are, you won’t hold out very long.

It can also be used to gauge a performer’s marked improvement or steady decline. Kimberly Kane (whose current SSI probably hovers around 99.5) was hot when she started (Fresh New Faces 4, Who’s Your Daddy 4, Vouyer Vision 1) but now (apparently, she’s g/g crazy and her rare b/g forays aren’t even a fraction as hot as they used to be) she’s just garbage. The flipside to that coin would be performers like Harmony (SSI: 40.2) and Annie Cruz (SSI: 46.6) who started somewhat mediocre but now burn up television screens and computer monitors on a frighteningly consistent basis. Exciting performers, regardless of their looks, partners or any other circumstance, most times equal relatively exciting and satisfying scenes.

This formula has only a few qualifiers. I only consider the last ten most recent scenes I’ve seen the performer in; that gives the best indication of what a performer is capable of currently. That, and the woman must be currently active. That’s it.

Gianna, Shyla Stylez & Carmella Bing: A combined SSI of .001

Eva Angelina, Nikki Benz & Rachel Roxxx: You do the math.

Shyla Stylez Index Leaders
1. Gianna27.5
2. Bree Olson 28.2
3. Sienna West30.9
4. Rebeca Linares32.3
5. Claire Dames34.0
6. Harmony40.2
7. Ava Devine45.1
8. Annie Cruz/Sandra Romain46.6
9. Flower Tucci/Tory Lane48.3
10. Roxy Deville49.9

Dynamic personalities and compatible sexual styles make good scenes and there are many intangibles that comprise a great scene. But as far as raw data and stats go, CJ’s Shyla Stylez Index isn’t such a bad guideline.

broken down does not even begin to describe what is going on in this post. Excellent analysis.

Post a Comment