Wednesday, January 28, 2009 

Rock Steady

"I've got knives in my eyes, I'm going home sick."

Spend any amount of time talking to me about movies and eventually I'm going to feel the need to bring up Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Though, truth be told, I'm not sure what I'll say first or in what order I'll assemble my praise but an adulation shower will be forthcoming so have an umbrella handy. I'll talk about how his talent was basically unknown to me until he started doing movies because I was never a fan of "3rd Rock from the Sun." I'll praise his brave career choices and his opting to do small independent movies like "Mysterious Skin" and "The Lookout," marveling at how he somehow managed to embody such commanding screen presence growing up in the world of television sitcoms. And inevitably, I'll make my way to the hard-to-categorize whodunit, "Brick" (2005).

“Emily said four words I didn't know. Tell me if they catch."

The first thing people notice (and write about, and now I've somewhat inadvertently joined them) about Rian Johnson’s “Brick” is the language. "I gave you Jerr to see him eaten, not to see you fed," Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Brendan Frye says at one point. And even though it is during a somewhat heated argument between the two of them, even his assistant vice principal has to compliment him. “Nicely put." Brendan smugly gives credit where it is due: "Accelerated English." It is just that type of hard-boiled inside vernacular that teenagers use to block and insulate themselves from adults (and their multiple, rapidly-changing meanings) that actually set this whole tale in motion. After Brendan receives an unexpected, vague and panicked phone call from his ex-girlfriend and shortly thereafter finds her dead body, he begins his own private investigation, determined to make sense of her cryptic last call to him and find her killer.

"I need words."

JGL is a teenaged version of Jack Nicholson's gumshoe Jack Gittes in "Chinatown" just decidedly more deadpan and glum with a heap of intensity and attitude simmering just beneath the surface. Mostly an outsider aside from the only associate of his we see (appropriately nicknamed The Brain, who assists him in unraveling this mystery and with whom he shares some typically slick back-and-forth banter with), but Brendan isn’t necessarily ostracized. His loner status is completely voluntary. You get the impression that he willingly resides at the fringes of the pack because he feels he shares nothing in common with his peers. Or maybe he doesn't view them as his "peers" at all. He seems to understand in a very mature way that the cliques and parties and social circles and events don't matter in the long run but he still adheres to the hierarchy, politics, knows who's who, the various ins and outs, while standing back and at times, even appears slightly amused at how the puppet theater all plays out.

"The ape blows or I clam."

As far as the world Brenan inhabits, his high school isn't at all like Beverly Hills 90210 or even Dawson's Creek. Rather it is an unseemly and seedy, David Lynchian alternate universe where murderously criminal-minded kids run the local underworld; where “bulls” are cops, a “burg” is a town and a “yeg” is a tough and it's not uncommon to see students cutting backroom deals with the assistant vice principal (coincidentally portrayed by another famous private dick, "Shaft"'s Richard Roundtree). Only here could a student say the town’s drug kingpin is “supposed to be old…like 26” without a hint of irony and have it be taken with even a modicum of seriousness. Brendan navigates this somewhat unpredictable territory, filled with an assortment of sirens, jocks, bullies and burnouts, with a quiet and determined intensity and encounters all manner of Mickey Spillane and Raymond Chandler-like clichés. You’ll find, like the classic detectives of the past, he’s also capable and willing to mix it up physically when he has to, as well.

"You're a quite a pill. Why'd you take a powder the other night?"

The resident femme fatale, Laura (Nora Zehetner), exudes a natural and demure girlishness that belies her possible deadliness. Zehetner does a superb job of emulating the demeanor of vixens past, lowing her voice to a slow and deliberate, yet sophisticated and seductive muted whisper, making cryptic comments that hide ulterior motives and saying just enough to make you wonder if she really doesn't know anything or if her entire lexicon is just naturally filled with a library of unintentionally inviting double entrendres. Brendan isn’t so easily swayed and immediately identifies her as a potential liability. "I'm not heeling you to hook you. I. Can't. Trust. You. Brad was a sap, you weren't. You're with him, so you're playing him. So you're a player. With you behind me, I'd have to tie one eye up watching both of your hands. I can't spare it."

"Better stop meeting me in the open, too. I'm gonna start getting visible. I need you on the underneath.”

Rookie director Rian Johnson’s debut feature and tribute to noir set in a San Clemente, CA high school won the Sundance Film Festival’s Special Jury Prize for Originality of Vision in 2005. Not only does it have style to burn but it’s a very dark and smart homage that stands on its own as opposed to being some run-of-the-mill indie movie where the young actors pretend to be grown ups and do adult-like things for the amusement of those who might familiar with the genre’s typical conventions. It would also be a great way to introduce a curious teenager to detective stories. And if you don’t believe that the kid from “3rd Rock from the Sun” can carry a movie or be a convincing leading man, brace yourself for a very pleasant surprise.

Saturday, January 03, 2009 

New Kids on the Block

I did it 365 days ago... I can do it again!!!

Ones to watch in 2009

10. Madelyn Marie

Age: 21

I love it when images speak for themselves. Physically, Madelyn's utter perfection from head-to-toe.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Ass Titans (Evil Angel, dir. Raul Cristian), New to the Game 4 (Diabolic, dir. Sid Knox), Stoya Atomic Tease (Digital Playground, dir. Celeste), Fresh Outta High School 13 (New Sensations, dir. Greg Lansky), Fresh Breed 5 (Gina Lynn Productions)

Internet - 2 Chicks Same Time, Fast Times at NAU, My Sister's Hot Friend (Naughty America), Cum Fiesta (Reality Kings)

Christian Sings the Blues about Madelyn Marie.

9. Katie Cummings

Age: 19

Five feet and five inches of robust and voluptuous Miami-bred, Cuban-flavored womanhood.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Big White Bubble Butts 4, I Like Phat Buns 4 & Big Tit Brotha Lovers 14 (Exquisite), Deep in Latin Cheeks 3 & Wet Juicy Asses 4: The Latin Edition (Jules Jordan Video), Teens With Tits 13 (Diabolic), What An Ass 7 (Digital Sin), Big Bubble Butt Cheerleaders 8 & Big Bubble Butt Latin Sluts 6 (Evasive Angles), More Cushion for the Pushin' 3 & Plump Rumps 3 (Lethal-Hardcore), 110% Natural 17, Wasted Youth 7 & Smothered N' Covered 7 (Red Light District), Work It Work It Get It Get It 2, Juicy Latin Coochie & Slutty and Sluttier 8 (Evil Angel), Poolside Pussy & The Whole Enchilada 3 (Vouyer Media), Fresh Out The Box 11 (Mercenary Pictures)

Internet - Monster Curves (Reality Kings)

Christian Sings the Blues about Katie Cummings.

8. Dylan Ryder

Age: 27

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Big Ole Titties (Lethal-Hardcore, dir. Chucky Sleaze), Soft in the Middle (Digital Sin, dir. Tyrone Shuz), Cheating Wives Tales 11 (New Sensations), Truly Nice Ass 8 (DVSX)

Internet - Big Tits In Sports, Doctor Adventures, Milfs Like It Big, Mommy Got Boobs (Brazzers), Big Tits Boss, Milf Hunter, Monster Curves, Milf Next Door (Reality Kings), Milf Lessons, Milf Soup (Bang Bros), 2 Chicks Same Time (Naughty America), Big Sausage Pizza, Big Boobs POV

Christian Sings the Blues about Dylan Ryder.


Jayden Jaymes

Age: 21

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Ass For Days 6 (Diabolic, dir. Greg Allan), Oil Overload 2 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Chris Streams), Naughty College School Girls 49 (New Sensations), Big Wet Tits 6 (Elegant Angel), Big Pretty Titties (Exquisite)

Internet - Ass Parade, Big Tits Round Asses, Big Tits Cream Pie, Fuck Team Five (Bang Bros), Baby Got Boobs, Real Wife Stories, Doctor Adventures, Big Tits In Sports, Big Tits At Work, Big Tits At School, Pornstars Like It Big (Brazzers), Naughty Athletics, Fast Times at NAU (Naughty America), Monster Curves, Cum Fiesta (Reality Kings)

These two remarkable big boob brunettes aren't exactly new but after suffering a "false start" of sorts when they first began, they both came back last year and returned not only hardly recognizable from their previous incarnations but better than ever. Reinvigorated, rejuvenated and repackaged, Dylan and Jayden have both re-emerged and watched their relevance rebound from remission. Recognize.

7. Mz Berlin

Age: 29

The enigmatic Mz Berlin is obviously more into fetish and BDSM than 'conventional' b/g, which is an almost crying shame because she's got a body seemingly specifically designed for that sole purpose. You can check out my favorite mistress, her flaming red hair and contrasting alabaster skin at her blog where she does a great job of detailing her goings and cummings.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Big Boobs Are Cool 2 (Burning Angel Entertainment, dir. Mitch Fontaine)

Internet - Big Naturals (Reality Kings), Big Tits Round Asses (Bang Bros), Doctor Adventures, Big Tits at Work (Brazzers)

Christian Sings the Blues about Mz Berlin.

6. Lucky Benton

Age: 31

Every so often someone comes along with gigantic, swinging, pendulous mammaries so glorious and unbelievable we all have to stand and take notice in slack-jawed wonder and amazement. Gianna. Brandy Talore. Whitney Stevens. Cassandra Calogera. 2009 might end up being remembered as the year we all got Lucky.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Cheating Wives Tales 12 (New Sensations, dir. Mario Rossi), Milf Date (New Sensations, dir. Eddie Powell), Monster Tit Sex Zombies (Wicked, dir. Mark Stone), Double Vision 2 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Erik Everhard), More Cushion For The Pushin' 3 (Lethal-Hardcore, dir. Chucky Sleaze)

Internet - Big Tits at School, Mommy Got Boobs, Real Wife Stories (Brazzers), Naughty Office (Naughty America), Cougars in Heat, Soccer Mom Score, Mr. Big Dick's Hot Chicks, Big League Facials, Chubby POV

5. Mya Nichole

Age: 24

Mya's a wiry yet busty do-it-all freak who's been making her name by appearing in a steady stream of Evil Angel movies (Anal Acrobats 3 (dir. Jay Sin), Evil Anal 7 (dir. Manuel Ferrara), Gape Lovers 3 (dir. Jay Sin) and Fuck Slaves 4 (dir. Jake Malone) and apparently has no aversion to creampies as evidenced by her romps in Internal Cumbustion 14 (Zero Tolerance, dir. Donnie Cabo), Internal Damnation 2 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Chris Streams), Internal Injections 4 (Diabolic, dir. Sid Knox) and Incumming 15 (Diabolic, dir. Gregg Alan). At his blog Christian says, "When you click on my model link to LA Direct, check out what she will do......good fucking gravy, what WON'T this chick do? You have to appreciate her willingness to do anything and everything on camera."

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Ass Cleavage 10 (Zero Tolerance, dir. Mike Quasar), Squirt in my Gape 3 (Elegant Angel, dir. William H.), Deep in Latin Cheeks 3 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Alexander Devoe), In Thru The Back Door 5 (Vouyer Media, dir. Vince Vouyer), Hot Sauce 7 (Diabolic, dir. Sid Knox), Obscene Behavior 5 (Red Light District, dir. John Strong), Need For Seed 3 (Diabolic)

Internet - Big Tits Cream Pie (Bang Bros) Big Butts Like It Big (Brazzers), Naughty Athletics, 2 Chicks Same Time (Naughty America), Porn Fidelity

4. Hanna Hilton

Age: 24

Before Steve Hirsch's real evil empire, Vivid, signed her to an exclusive performer contract, it was easy enough to see upon very first glance that the mind-boggling top-heavy Hilton was a true revelation. Scenes featuring her are in frighteningly short supply as of right now, especially pre-Vivid ones but even in those rare appearances it was readily apparent that the great state of Indiana might have possibly blessed us with a second straight busty blonde Best New Starlet. Check her out in the upcoming Bounce directed by B. Skow.

Perfs of note thus far:

Internet - Real Wife Stories (Brazzers)

3. London Keys

Age: 19

This thick and soft half-japanese teen with a downright dazzling smile wears her delectable 'Freshman 15' oh-so-well over her tat'd and pierced bod. This rarity (a naturally busty asian teen?) was brought to the adult world's attention by Anabolic director Ivan after shooting her for his Nice Rack 17. I've been watching her career with great interest ever since. She's got some scorchers dropping soon in Ass For Days 7 (Diabolic, dir. Gregg Alan), Real Racks 6 (3rd Degree, dir. Danny Case) and Bounce (Vivid, dir. B. Skow).

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - No Cum Dodging Allowed 10 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Mike John), Boobaholics Anonymous 4 (Jules Jordan Video, dir. Mike John)Natural Born Swallowers 3 (Lethal-Hardcore, dir. Chucky Sleaze), Teens With Tits 13 (Diabolic, dir. Ray Bones), New to the Game 4 (Diabolic, dir. Sid Knox), Poolside Pussy (Vouyer Media, dir. Van Styles), Daughter I'd Like To Fuck (New Sensations, dir. Greg Lansky), Barely Legal 88 (Hustler, dir. Erica McLean), In It Goes, Out It Cums 6 (Red Light District, dir. Mark Wood)

Internet - Baby Got Boobs (Brazzers), Teens At Work (Mofos), 2 Chicks Same Time, My Sister's Hot Friend, Fast Times at NAU and Naughty Bookworms (Naughty America), 18 Years Old, Cum Fiesta (Reality Kings), Big Tits Round Asses (Bang Bros).

2. Mason Moore

Age: 23

A mostly unknown and mysterious quantity at this point, Mason, with her various and elaborate tattoos and midnight black tresses (in the tradition of Katrina Kraven and more recently, Angelina Valentine) is just my type. So far she has 2 romps for Brazzers latest venture, MOFOS (Can She Take It? and Day With a Pornstar) under her belt and has done 5 scenes for Brazzers (Real Wife Stories twice, Baby Got Boobs, Big Tits At School and Big Tits In Sports) which remains one of the few places you can catch her on a regular basis.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Wet Juicy Juggs (Lethal-Hardcore, dir. Chucky Sleaze), Cruisin' for Latin Pussy (DVSX, dir. Juan Cuba), Tunnel Butts (Jules Jordan Video/Cruel Media, dir. Chris Rolie)

Internet - I Have a Wife, Housewife 1-on-1 and 2 Chicks Same Time (Naughty America), Big Tits Boss (Reality Kings), PornFidelity.

Christian Sings the Blues about Mason Moore.

1. Asa Akira

Age: 23

A full-blooded Japanese hottie, Asa has a magazine model's flawless face, a beautiful and ever-present smile and energy to burn in her scenes. Her upcoming performances in Asian Fucking Nation 3 (Evil Angel, dir. Jonni Darkko) and Gabriella Fox Nude (Digital Playground, dir. Robby D.) are poised to turn a lot of heads that haven't had the good fortune of seeing this cookie in action already.

Perfs of note thus far:

DVD - Top Notch Bitches 7, Ultimate Feast 3 & Drowning in Bitch Juice 3 (Gina Lynn Productions), Control Freaks (Vouyer Media, dir. Vince Vouyer), Fetish Fucks 3 (Vouyer Media, dir. Van Styles), Bombshell Bottoms 4 (Vouyer Media, dir. Donnie Cabo), Make Me Creamy 4 (Vouyer Media, dir. Donnie Cabo), Shot Glasses (Zero Tolerance, dir. Mick Blue), Sticky Sweet (Digital Playground, dir. Robby D)

Internet - Naughty Office (Naughty America), Cum Fiesta (Reality Kings)