The Miseducation of Eva Angelina
A screenplay by Crucifixio Jones
MUSIC: “SWEET EMOTION” BY AEROSMITH
FADE IN EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP – NIGHT
All the requisite sights pass over a car’s windshield; the gleaming pyramid that is the Luxor, the huge lion head of the MGM Grand, the dueling pirate ships that front Treasure Island and the jumping, high-sprouting fountains of the Mirage. The windows, tinted pitch black on this SUV, don’t allow us to immediately see the figure driving inside.
INT. SUV – NIGHT
The camera slowly travels up the body of an unidentified but very bronzed female; up from her immaculately pedicured feet as they work the gas and brake until it reaches a familiar heart-shaped tanline over her left breast where it lingers for a bit before finally gliding up to reveal the face of EVA ANGELINA, a 22-year old, 5’3”, Chinese/Cuban brunette whose glistening white smile lights up the dark interior and the clear Vegas night.
EVA ANGELINA (VOICE-OVER)
I’ve come a long way since I first started in this business four years ago. Back then I was just 18-years old and I hardly knew a fraction of what I know now. Hell, the only thing about me now that’s the same as back then are the glasses on the tip of my nose. So much has changed and I’ve come so far. Or should I say “cum”?
CUT TO: EARLY EVA ANGELINA HIGHLIGHTS MONTAGE
MUSIC: “I’M A SLAVE 4U” BY BRITNEY SPEARS
The lyrics seem to take on special significance as the images of Eva next to Teagan in Red Light District fare “Cum Swapping Sluts 7” flickers by or her scene with Mark Ashley in “Just Over Eighteen 10” and her turn with Mark Ashley AND Mr.Pete in New Sensations’ “Teen Dreams 7.” Spears continues to coo seductively over each sex scene: “All you people look at me like I’m a little girl/Well did you ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this world?” seems eerily appropriate. It’s evident from the clips that while Eva is young in age, she’s a more-than-capable performer. She knows her partners’ bodies, she’s in tune with her own and she seemingly just knows sex. Period. She looks like a natural phenomenon, pulchritudinous poetry in motion. Even at this early stage, she looks like a professional. Which she is.
EVA ANGELINA
Those were the good old days and while my personal life threatened to keep my star from rising, I persevered. Not only did I come back wiser and stronger than before, I reinvented myself. [laughs and jostles her boobs in her bra] It was like starting all over again, brand new but this time I knew what to expect. And as a result, I think my fans came out even bigger winners than me.
CUT TO: PRESENT DAY EVA ANGELINA MONTAGE
MUSIC: “STRONGER” BY KANYE WEST
“N-n-now that that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger…I know I got to be right now, ‘cause I can’t get much wronger...” The beat drops and an explosion of highlights bursts forth. When Kanye belts “I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!” choice bits from Evil Angel’s “Angels of Debauchery 4”, Platinum X Pictures’ “Big Giant Titties 1”, Elegant Angel’s “Cum Drenched Tits 2” and Zero Tolerance’s “Double Decker Sandwich 6” speed by in rapid MTV-style edited succession. This is, without a doubt, a different talent than we saw in the first montage. It’s the same person, sure, but she’s no longer the somewhat flat-chested little girl. She’s very much a young woman now and every inch looking every bit the part.
EVA ANGELINA
And now? I can’t be ignored. I don’t think anyone would want to. 2006 was great but I’ve had a year unlike any other before in 2007 and finally I’m due to get what I deserve come January. I’ve worked my ass off. Upload. Big Wet Asses 12. Bikini-Clad Cum Sluts. Big Wet Tits 5. E For Eva. And of course, Operation: Desert Stormy for my homegirl! I don’t know how this crazy documentary ends but if I had to imagine...
CUT TO: INT. MANDALAY BAY – AVN AWARDS SHOW NIGHT
MUSIC: “SUPERSTAR” BY LUPE FIASCO
Congratulations to Eva Angelina, winner of AVN's Best Actress (Video) award for her role in Sex-Z Pictures' UPLOAD.
MUSIC: “SWEET EMOTION” BY AEROSMITH
FADE IN EXT. THE LAS VEGAS STRIP – NIGHT
All the requisite sights pass over a car’s windshield; the gleaming pyramid that is the Luxor, the huge lion head of the MGM Grand, the dueling pirate ships that front Treasure Island and the jumping, high-sprouting fountains of the Mirage. The windows, tinted pitch black on this SUV, don’t allow us to immediately see the figure driving inside.
INT. SUV – NIGHT
The camera slowly travels up the body of an unidentified but very bronzed female; up from her immaculately pedicured feet as they work the gas and brake until it reaches a familiar heart-shaped tanline over her left breast where it lingers for a bit before finally gliding up to reveal the face of EVA ANGELINA, a 22-year old, 5’3”, Chinese/Cuban brunette whose glistening white smile lights up the dark interior and the clear Vegas night.
I’ve come a long way since I first started in this business four years ago. Back then I was just 18-years old and I hardly knew a fraction of what I know now. Hell, the only thing about me now that’s the same as back then are the glasses on the tip of my nose. So much has changed and I’ve come so far. Or should I say “cum”?
CUT TO: EARLY EVA ANGELINA HIGHLIGHTS MONTAGE
MUSIC: “I’M A SLAVE 4U” BY BRITNEY SPEARS
The lyrics seem to take on special significance as the images of Eva next to Teagan in Red Light District fare “Cum Swapping Sluts 7” flickers by or her scene with Mark Ashley in “Just Over Eighteen 10” and her turn with Mark Ashley AND Mr.Pete in New Sensations’ “Teen Dreams 7.” Spears continues to coo seductively over each sex scene: “All you people look at me like I’m a little girl/Well did you ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this world?” seems eerily appropriate. It’s evident from the clips that while Eva is young in age, she’s a more-than-capable performer. She knows her partners’ bodies, she’s in tune with her own and she seemingly just knows sex. Period. She looks like a natural phenomenon, pulchritudinous poetry in motion. Even at this early stage, she looks like a professional. Which she is.
Those were the good old days and while my personal life threatened to keep my star from rising, I persevered. Not only did I come back wiser and stronger than before, I reinvented myself. [laughs and jostles her boobs in her bra] It was like starting all over again, brand new but this time I knew what to expect. And as a result, I think my fans came out even bigger winners than me.
CUT TO: PRESENT DAY EVA ANGELINA MONTAGE
MUSIC: “STRONGER” BY KANYE WEST
“N-n-now that that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger…I know I got to be right now, ‘cause I can’t get much wronger...” The beat drops and an explosion of highlights bursts forth. When Kanye belts “I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!” choice bits from Evil Angel’s “Angels of Debauchery 4”, Platinum X Pictures’ “Big Giant Titties 1”, Elegant Angel’s “Cum Drenched Tits 2” and Zero Tolerance’s “Double Decker Sandwich 6” speed by in rapid MTV-style edited succession. This is, without a doubt, a different talent than we saw in the first montage. It’s the same person, sure, but she’s no longer the somewhat flat-chested little girl. She’s very much a young woman now and every inch looking every bit the part.
And now? I can’t be ignored. I don’t think anyone would want to. 2006 was great but I’ve had a year unlike any other before in 2007 and finally I’m due to get what I deserve come January. I’ve worked my ass off. Upload. Big Wet Asses 12. Bikini-Clad Cum Sluts. Big Wet Tits 5. E For Eva. And of course, Operation: Desert Stormy for my homegirl! I don’t know how this crazy documentary ends but if I had to imagine...
CUT TO: INT. MANDALAY BAY – AVN AWARDS SHOW NIGHT
MUSIC: “SUPERSTAR” BY LUPE FIASCO
Congratulations to Eva Angelina, winner of AVN's Best Actress (Video) award for her role in Sex-Z Pictures' UPLOAD.
