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Tuesday, July 04, 2006 

The Top Five Reasons You Can't Blame...

In my early days of watching porn, it was nearly an almost universally accepted fact that Janine Lindemulder was probably the most beautiful woman to ever enter the adult ranks (or ever would). We all know the history: the former Penthouse Pet enjoyed a level of popularity that rivaled, if not at times exceeded, that of Jenna Jameson's in the early '90s. I fondly recall her being with Vivid in their heyday and seeing her alongside all the girls of my wet dreams: Jenteal, Nikki Tyler, Chasey Lain, Asia Carrera, Kobe Tai, Raylene, Taylor Hayes and the like and her teaming with Julia Ann to form the legendary exotic dancing/performing duo of Blondage. Back then it was all about contracts, pretty girls and where the boys weren't. Janine "retired" in 1999 much to her loyal fans' chagrin but re-emerged in 2004, with both arms now covered in a sleeve of tattoos, finding times had most definitely changed and that it's true when they say you can't go home again.

In order to even register a blip on our collective radar, Janine would have to rescind the one constraint on her onscreen career that had practically gone hand-in-hand with her name since day one: Janine stopped being g/g-only and decided to do guys. "Monumental" would be one word used to describe the event. Overdue. Too little, too late. Eagerly anticipated. Whatever it happened to be for you, it at least had people talking. But the question remains, why? After enjoying so many years of girl/girl-only action, why suddenly decide to un-retire, come back and finally do what many male fans had practically BEGGED for her entire career? Was it to spite her ex-husband? No one but Janine knows for sure, though she has offered explanations in interviews.

Her words: "At the time I was coming back into the industry and I knew that I was bored…No, bored is a bad word, there is nothing boring about having sex with gorgeous women. I knew that I wanted something more though. The whole time that I was working with women only I would take a peek at a boy/girl scene and think "damn that looks like fun." This time around I was ready for something different. I am at a different point in my life and the thought of boy/girl agreed with me. I knew that the majority of the people watching my movies wanted something else and it was due time. I didn't feel like I had to, it just felt right, like something I could do with all my heart."

Here are

The Top Five Reasons You Can't Blame...

Janine for Returning from "Retirement" to do Boy/Girl Scenes.

Sexual Fulfillment from better male talent. Vince Neil. Riki Rachtman. Jesse James. Come on. No way do these guys compare with Manuel Ferrara, Julian, Erik Everhard, Mr. Marcus, Sean Michaels or Mandingo in the sack. If Janine had an itch in her ditch after a messy failed relationship, coming back to tussle with the big dogs of the current porno landscape was the best way for her to scratch it.

Hotter Girl/Girl Opportunities. In the early ninties, Janine had the opportunity to work with some legit living legends: Jeanna Fine, Dyanna Lauren, Amber Lynn, Christy Canyon, Heather Hunter and others. And not to take anything away from any of these women but I think it's safe to say that while the performers of today sometimes lack when it comes to actually performing, no one can deny that the girls that choose to go into porn today are exponentially hotter and on the whole, better looking. Hey, it happens. Times have changed and people are able to take better care of themselves if they choose, it's not a knock on the ladies of yesteryear. If I had the chance to work with Angel Dark, Monica Sweetheart, Liliane Tiger, Sharka Blue, Rita Faltoyano, Paola Rey, Tory Lane, etc. I'd consider coming out of retirement, too. And Janine certainly made the most of her most recent g/g forays. See her with Haley Paige in The Villa or with Jesse Jane in Pirates for proof.

Unfinished Business. As comedia Dane Cook has noted, we all want to leave behind a legacy, something that we will all be remembered for FOREVER. Janine will be remembered. That much goes without saying. She is a Hall of Famer. She's stunning and she single-handedly changed the game in ways no one before her ever did (that's a sign of greatness -- doing things that no one before you has ever done and everything coming after you bearing your mark) not just because of her strict adherence to her g/g policy but also by forming the only exotic dancing tandem THE WORLD knows by name. But one has to wonder if part of her short-lived b/g return wasn't so that the caveat that she was strictly g/g her entire career wouldn't be brought up as a negative every time she was mentioned. Is it enough to be one of the most popular and well-known stars of all-time if people always end their discussions about you with "...but."?

Validation. This somewhat ties into the previous reason but doing b/g gave Janine an opportunity to cement her status once and for all as one of the best who ever did it. But before she came back, I'm sure there had to be questions. She had to see it as a personal challenge. This wasn't her bedroom. Manuel Ferrara isn't Riki Rachtman. There had to have been doubt. Can she do it at all? Can she do it successfully? Can she, at 36, still compete with the dewy and fresh-faced 18-years young things getting off the bus and overcrowding the barely legal market? Hell, can she even compete with fellow Vivid girl Savanna Samson? I think these were all questions that had to be asked and Janine stepped up to the plate to attempt to give us our answer: a resounding "yes."

Money. As I stated before, Janine, at the peak of her popularity, was easily on par with the woman many consider to be the Queen of All Things Adult-Related, Jenna Jameson. That's no small feat. And this was without so much as ever touching a cock on camera unlike Jenna. If one of the rules of show business is to always leave your fans wanting more then Janine had mastered it. The way some of her fans salivated at the very thought of her riding a dick in a movie was enough to send most into uncontrollable twitching spasms. It only made sense to hold off. The demand was CRAZY. So I'd assume that the same way a star might get a little extra kicked their way for doing certain sex acts, I'm sure Janine could name her price to finally get down with someone who had a real penis. This wasn't just anal. It was JANINE fucking DUDES. After thirteen years of NEVER doing it. Somehow, that actually manages to exceed whatever extreme circus act you can imagine: anal, double anal or a double penetration. And it's all because of who Janine is. I'm positive that with Vivid's deep pockets, Mr. Hirsch made it worth her while.

On a personal note, Janine remains attractive to me because she personifies womanhood. She's a family woman, very proud of her two children and carries herself with an air of class and dignity that all women, whether they've performed in adult movies or not, could take a cue from. I hope we haven't seen the last of her. Adult needs more genuinely beautiful women like Janine, who is gorgeous inside and out.